I am tired of reading about how the NFL’s TV ratings are down due to players not standing for the National Anthem.  The ratings are down for many reasons, not just one reason.

We as a country have a long history of saying that we support free speech.  Our actions however sing a different tune.  We either are a country that supports individuals’ rights to express themselves or we aren’t. We can’t have it both ways.  We can’t just support freedom of speech/expression for the ideas we agree with.  If standing for the Anthem is such a big deal, why is it ok to sit at a sports bar, drink beer and cram food in your face during the Anthem?  Why aren’t people standing there?  If you really look at it, the players are standing for the Anthem.  They are standing up for something they believe in.  Civil Rights.  

Here are the reasons I believe that the NFL ratings are really down…

• Salary Cap.  Teams can’t stay within the cap to retain all their talent.  The NFL needs to look at different ways to do this.  
• TV Coverage.  The NFL should be showing more games on regular TV (ABC, CBS, NBC, ESPN, etc.).  The NFL want us to watch, but they make it harder.  NFL Sunday Ticket is about money, not about the fans.  Quit blacking out games that don’t sell out.   It is time the NFL looks at building the fan base.  NFL games are expensive to attend, make the game more accessible to everyone.
• Tom Brady.  Not really, just fun to blame him for stuff.
• Fantasy Football.  Yes, I do play it.  It has ruined the way I watch games.  I no longer care about game outcomes, just how my players did.  I don’t really enjoy watching actual games until the playoffs when I can enjoy watching the actual games.  I know this isn’t going to go away, but it does impact the way people watch or not watch.
• Bad teams.  There are just too many of them.
• Bad Match-ups in Prime Time.  Bad teams get to square off in prime time on Thursday nights, Sunday nights and Monday nights.  NFL needs to move the best matchups to these prime time spots.  
• Injuries.  So many injuries.  Who wants to watch two back-up QBs battle it out?  It is  like a pre-season game.

I think you get the point.  There are so many reasons the NFL is struggling.  Blaming the kneeling during the Anthem is just an attempt to mask a much larger problem and it diverts attention away from the real reason these players are kneeling–so that no one has to have uncomfortable discussions about racism, but that’s just my feeling.

Oh, and for the record, Papa John’s pizza sales are most likely down due to better options.  LOL!

*Special thank you to my wife Kelly for serving as my editor for all my blog posts!

I am always amused by the things people say when they really aren’t sure what to say.   If you are a foster parent,  I’m sure you can relate.

“I could never do that.”  This is typically followed up by some reasoning about becoming too attached to the child.  This is never an easy statement for us to respond to.  We are attached to many children that aren’t our own kids.  We have two nieces and a nephew that we love dearly.   If a time comes when our foster daughter is not living with us any longer, we will be sad to see her go.  We just know that while we have her, we are going to give her home where she can feel safe and loved so she can continue to grow and develop.

“She is so lucky to have parents like you.”  For the record, we are great parents, but yet to receive the award.  I have been waiting and waiting for it, but nothing.   I don’t believe that any child in the foster care system feels lucky.  Put yourself in their shoes.  Would you feel lucky if you were taken from everyone and everything you love and put with some people you don’t know?  How would you feel?  Just because they may have been in a difficult situation, it doesn’t mean they weren’t attached to it.  When they enter the foster care system, things are still difficult for them.  They are confused and scared.   Even if we are great people, we are still a new situation for them.  Change is difficult for most people, let alone a child.

“What do you know about her biological parents?  Were they on drugs?”  We always address this with “we don’t know a lot about her background.”  This may or may not be the case, but we won’t share what we know about it with you.  It is personal to the child and we want to keep it that way.

“You guys are saints for doing this.”  We are not.  We aren’t superheroes either.  We are just a family who has been called to serve in this way.  There are many ways people can serve; this is ours.  When people say this, it is basically saying that we are saving this child.  We aren’t saving anyone.  We love kids and want to be a part of the solution, even if it is just a small part.  We aren’t any better than you or anyone else.  We appreciate the compliment, but saints we are not.

“Why are you fostering?  Can’t you have your own kids?”  This is always a difficult question for us.  We foster because we felt called to do it.  Whether we can have kids of our “own” is irrelevant.  When you say “own,” you really mean biological.  We have a son that we adopted when he was a baby.  He is our “own” child.  Maybe not biological, but the love we have for him unmeasurable.   This is not a question I would recommend that you ever ask someone.  If you know them well enough that they share their story with you, feel honored, not entitled.

“Are you planning to adopt her?”  There are really three camps foster parents fall into:  we are foster parents only, we are fostering to adopt, or we are fostering and if the situation presents itself, we will consider adoption.   All three are fantastic options.  Children in the system need loving and supportive homes.  Not all children in the system are available to be adopted.  Their biological parents are working to make changes in their lives so they can reunify with their child(ren).   When someone is a new foster parent, they may not be at a place to answer this question. Nor should they feel they have to.

“Why would they ever send a kid back to their parents?  They don’t deserve them.” This is easy to judge from the outside.  When you are inside and you see a parent doing all the right things to make amends and make life changes, you may feel differently.   They key is to focus on the child and what is in the best interest of the child.  It is truly a complicated endeavor.

Here is what I would say to myself if finding out I had become a foster parent.  “Wow, you are nuts.  Really, a crazy person.  I feel so sorry for your wife.  I thought she was normal.  I guess she is off her rocker too!”   Really, say something like “That is great to hear.  I know there are a lot of children that are in need of foster families.”  If you are really interested, you can follow up with “I would love to hear more about your experience.”  Then invite me to coffee.

Source: 6 Weeks of Foster Familying and Counting

Today marks 6 weeks that my wife, son and I have become a foster family to a 3 year old little girl.   While it is fresh on my mind, I thought I would share some things we have learned so far.

• There are over 18,000 children in state care in Arizona.  That is not a typo.  Over 18,000!
• Questions, Questions, Questions.  We had and have a lot of questions.  Keep a notebook of questions and get the answers.
• A new sense of normal.  Bringing a child into your home impacts everyone in the house.  Training focuses mostly on the potential needs of the child.   This is important. You also need to know that this new addition to family will also change your needs, your spouse’s needs and your current children’s needs.  Finding a new sense of normal will not happen over night.  It takes time.
• The “honeymoon” phase.  It may be like an Arizona spring.  Yes, it does exist, but if you blink you may miss it.
• Everyone loves ice cream.  Obviously that is not true, but it is important to find a way to connect.  Maybe it is through their favorite dinner or dessert.  Maybe it is through an activity they enjoy.  The key here is to find a way to create a smile and begin building a relationship.
• Financial Realities.  While you will get money from the state for the child, it is not immediate.  We are 6 weeks in and haven’t received any financial support yet.  This shouldn’t deter you, but it is something to make note of and will vary depending on the age of the child and what they come with (i.e clothes, shoes, toys, daycare, etc).
• There are mountains and mole hills.  Children who enter foster care come with some baggage.  You can’t tackle all of them at once.
• Be proactive.  There a many people in place to support you and the child.  They all have large case loads. You will need to be proactive to ensure your child gets the services they need.   You will also need to chase down information.  You may need to be the squeaky wheel.
• Build bridges.  The people there to support you don’t necessarily know each other or talk to one another.  Be the bridge to keep everyone in the loop.
• Sense of humor required.  Laugh often.  You will need it.  That or a stiff drink.  LOL
• They are worth it.  The overall foster care system is like a cardiogram.  Lots of ups and downs.  While you will face some frustrations, remember, these children are worth it.  Our role is to create a  loving and nurturing environments so they can blossom.